Baguio Insider

After the Jun Lozada event, a good friend and I had a looong discussion on proving ourselves.

She is Baguio born, accepting of the norm that those who are new to an organization (or town, for that matter) should first prove themselves before gaining the respect of others. She is 33, a member of two very strong local organizations and is still constantly being made to feel by the older members that she has to prove herself before they will listen to her.

Just last week, another Baguio-born, this time a male, told me the same thing.

I think there should be a distinction here between proving oneself and being a good role model. It is the organization’s duty to prove itself to the new members, to show the applicants why it is worth joining, for it is the organization that needs new blood to keep it going. Thus membership should be a continuous process of ‘proving oneself,’

The problem is, sometimes, once we have been accepted, or if we were there ahead, we feel a sense of entitlement that translates to complacency and some arrogance. Worse yet, some have the attitude that entry is the ‘end all and be all’ of the journey.

My mom has raised her children to believe that we are not entitled to anything by virtue of our surname, by virtue of our upbringing. That the essence of life is work, that we are only entitled to the fruits of our labor.

In fact, let me add to that my grandfather’s words that “we work first for God, for the nation and lastly for ourselves.”

I put it to you now, dear readers, isn’t the reason we join organizations because we want to work for something together? That once accepted the work has just begun? That it is the older members, and not just the applicant, who should in fact prove themselves? Isn’t it the burden of the members to initiate the applicants into how best to work well with the rest of the group?

Once I was invited to join a Baguio group of socialites. During the first meeting, the members wanted to try out a new ‘expensive’ restaurant. The existing members proceeded to split a Php90 waffle into 4 parts so that each one would spend only Php22.50 and sit there for three hours. So I thought, since the members may be low on funds, let me host the next meeting at my restaurant, even if I was just an applicant.

During the second meeting, I was immediately tasked to interview a wonderful woman we were going to nominate for a prestigious award. Then the president proudly announced that the group had received a few thousand dollars from a sister chapter abroad, that we were to have a Breast Cancer Awareness campaign I thought, “So far so good.” Then the regular members decided that we were only going to print a few brochures and take a few photos as evidence of the campaign to send to the sister chapter, and the rest of the money we were going to use for a party.

Rest assured the group never saw me again.

Applicants are those who are merely tested to see if they can work well with the existing members. After all, a group should police its ranks and ensure that only like-minded individuals get in so that the work will proceed smoothly. Sometimes initiation ceremonies are used to give the applicant a sense of belonging, sometimes projects are assigned to assess the skills of the applicant. But honestly,the application period is a trial of the members also, for the applicant to decide if he wants to continue working with the group.

All in all, it is still the regular membership that exemplifies the principles that group stands for. Regular assessments must still be put in place to ensure the regular members are still working for the goals of the organization. This is why sometimes those who have been absent for so long, or those who are disloyal to the cause, those who are delinquent in paying their dues are removed. Thus regular members must still prove themselves worthy of membership for the duration of their stay in the group.

When we adopt the view that folks have to prove themselves before we are to give them our respect, how hard would it be for an sincere and intelligent applicant to say, “I don’t need it! Goodbye!” Then the organization will attract only those insecure people who will move heaven and earth just to belong. How can we think ourselves superior to others simply by being there ahead? How arrogant is that?

I told my mom once that some folks measure themselves against others. I measure myself today against myself yesterday. Did I do better? Did I do more? Did I work harder?

So I told my Baguio-born girlfriend yesterday, “Prove yourself to YOU. Do not give others power over you by allowing them to make you run around like crazy ‘proving yourself’ before they will listen to you. They should in fact be glad they have someone like you in their group.”

Now, as far as being a role model is concerned, we have to realize that we are ALL role models — sometimes a good role model, sometimes a bad role model. Thus it is important to always be conscious of the effect we have on others. We must inspire others through good work, attitudes and energy. But not because we have to prove ourselves to strangers, but because whatever we do, whatever we achieve, whatever we say affect everybody else, who will in turn affect others.

There lies the difference.